Confessions of a Bald Man

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 20:04:01 GMT

HALLELUJAH!!! Bud Selig, the worst commissioner in baseball's history, announced he's stepping down after the 2012 season. This man is the reason why there was a strike in '95, the subsequent low turn out the next few years and the ensuing steroid problem. A home run derby brought the fans back but ruined careers (and possibly lives) of many great baseball players. When the issue of contraction came up his former team the Brewers weren't mentioned, even though they had a lower turn out and made less money than some of the teams that were discussed. He called an All-Star game a tie, and has been an owner centric commish. Don't even get me started on Pete Rose! I can't remember a time when he wasn't screwing up baseball and look forward to a game without him

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:47:33 GMT

So I saw my ex-girlfriend Amanda about two weeks ago. Sweet baby jesus. Why did you people let me date her? How drunk was I? What on earth was I thinking? She's not a bad girl, just....what was I thinking? I blame you people for letting that happen

On a completely different note: I really, really love Web Soup on G4. Chris Hardwick (from Singled Out) makes me happy, and I wonder why he doesnt have a better career

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:35:23 GMT

Maybe it's just me, but every time I hear Bill Withers' 'Use Me' I picture a street basketball game montage being played in slow-mo. Does this happen to anyone else?

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:17:52 GMT

I saw this commercial the other day. It was a 'fat-people-get-skinny-through-surgery' commercial. Nothing special until you take into account what they called their doctor. And I quote "Thanks Dr Nick!" Best commercial ever.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 06:32:08 GMT

Dad's having his thyroid removed. They found a growth. The only way to determine if it's malignant is to remove it. During the surgery they will check to see if the growth may have spread. This has been a pretty rough couple of months. I broke my arm. Been in jail twice in three months. And my car has been towed three times. Everytime I think this is it, it cant possibly get any worse. Maybe I should stop saying that

Back?

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 04:32:09 GMT

I have the internets again. I'm kinda back. I'll write about the shit storm that has been going on around me later. But it's been 37 weeks since I've written anything. So...boo-yah.

For my BSG fans...those who still read

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 09:47:48 GMT

I know with this post I shall reach those who need this.

Of the first new Battlestar Galactiaca episode(YES I'M COMING OUT!). Ronald D Moore give a commentary for it. It's technically a podcast, but it is in synch with the episode. Please watch ONLY if you've seen 'Sometimes a Great Notion'. Click here for the commentary version

Greatest headline(s) ever

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 01:14:26 GMT

About a week ago a New York Yankees pitcher went on the disabled list. This is not a big deal until you consider the name of said pitcher, Chien-Ming Wang. Which, after a quick Google News search provide some of the greatest headlines ever.

Such headlines include, but not limited to:
Yankees place Wang on DL
Yankees' Wang could miss the rest of the season
Yankees' Wang heads to DL with foot injury
Yankees feel Wang's pain after strain (I think that happened to a friend of mine once)

and my all time favorite

Wang to be on crutches for 6 weeks

Please not ladies and gentleman that this is only on the first page of a Google News search of Wang. I have no ending for this so I take a small bow

Wish me luck

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:55:37 GMT

I'm off to give my lecture at UNT today. I've suited up and have been prepping since February. I still ask myself 'What the hell are they thinking letting ME speak at a degree-granting institution?' Now I find out the answer.

Not a real update, but it's something

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:11:22 GMT

Well the last time I really updated it was before New Years, I had a girlfriend and was highly anticipating what this year had in store for me.

January- Girl breaks up with me, step sibling dies, sisters boyfriend is diagnosed with leukemia, announcement that company is sold, almost lose my job (for something stupid), and internet goes down at the apartment. This was all in a two week span.

February- Found out sisters boyfriend has a rare version of leukemia where he will live (1 in 100,000 case). Still have nerves about company buyout. Slight campaigning for Obama. Saw him at Reunion (religious experience).

March- Company sold. One guy who had been there 7 years leaves us with 24 hours notice he's quitting. Chaos ensues to cover his route. Patty's happened. Jeremy got married on Patty's. Felt such a financial pinch it felt like I was in college again. Decide to move. Delegate at state senator convention. Met neighbors and state senator (he's gonna be governor one day). Wil talk about morning of March 18 in a few paragraphs.

April- Am so broke I have trouble paying rent and bills. Need a raise. Routes got switched, got hosed (it's ok, new opportunities await). Got apartment locked down satureday. Pillow fight with 40 people at Mockingbird Station. Mars Volta concert. Saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall (my favorite of the new comedy genre) with dad, he loved it too.

So on March 18, the day after Patty's) I role over to see someone in my bed. JD is passed out on top of my blanket in his boxers. I think that Tim's brother, Jeremy, is on the couch and his friend, female, is downstairs. I go to turn off the tv and realize the couch is empty and try and wake up JD to get him on said couch. As I tried to wake him up he rolled over and made a sound like a depressed 1986 Datsun. I realized then that the hell giving would begin soon. I went downstairs and was about to walk out when I noticed Jeremy was passed out on the pull out naked as the day he was born. The blanket was there, but not covering. I averted my eyes and made a noise of disgust, to which Jeremy replied 'Oh, I'm sorry you had to stare into the great white abyss.' It wasn't even 7 am and I woken to someone in m bed and seen balls. I didn't think the day could get any weirder. My apartment flooded later in the day. I laughed a lot that day.

Before the end of the month I need to get packing and get ready for a lecture I'm giving. On April 29th I am giving a lecture at UNT, a degree-granting institution, about beer. I've had a lot of fun prepping for it and hope to go to many other colleges to speak on behalf of my beer. But yeah, it's true, someone is letting ME speak at a university.

Things are dire right now but all I have to do is make it another month and things will hopefully turn around.

I hope this wasn't too long for everyone. I work a lot so I have too much to write about, but it's been a very interesting year and I've been too damn tired to do anything. Hopefully after my vacation (birthday week) I'll be better.

OH! Before I go I thought I would share this with everyone. I thought of the most narcissistic and masochistic thing for my birthday. Friday May 16, bar. Saturday May 17, I'm going to throw a birthday party/housewarming party in which everyone comes dressed as they're favorite version of me. My ego surprises even me sometimes. It's a terrible idea, but it's too funny not to do. So if you will be in Dallas at that time come out and make fun of me for hours. I'll be having a great time

A real update will happen soon but...

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 02:03:42 GMT

The space shuttle Columbia exploded 5 years ago. Weird.

Holy Jebus!

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 03:31:28 GMT

Wow I am really, really bad at updating. It's been like two months, and the last thing I wrote about was Pushing Daisies. One of my favorite shows, yes; informative, no.

My life consists of long periods of not much followed by short periods of FUUUUUCK! (I used it in the adjective). I'm hoping the short period is coming to an end.

Well since my last real update was in September I'll update you all.

September- Nothing

October- Loved the sales part of job, hated delivery. The halloween party went well. Everyone showed up in costume, and good beer was had by all. The pictures have been posted for a while. On Halloween night I went in a dress a long wig and a crown of thorns and was JESUS WOMAN! We went to my favorite bar/account and had drinks there. It also happened that on this particular day they blew their last keg of another product and brought something new on. So in my dress I had to climb behind the bar, clean lines, switch out the tavern head and hood up the new one. It usually takes about 10 minutes, but I couldn't get the airline to screw on to the tavern head, so it took about 20. I forgot to mention that the night before my good friend Matt (the owner) and I tried to kill the keg of the previous product by ourselves in one night. It was a rough halloween. All in all it was fun. The highlight of the evening was when I was sitting around the table and realized I had heard all the stories before and decided to go make friends. I ran into this guy who was at my halloween party and unbeknownst to him were these very pretty ladies behind him who were signaling to me in my dress. I subtly (see mowed over) got past him and made some knew friends. We all chatted for about an hour or so and then they had to leave. They said they were going to City Tavern in downtown. I already had plans to go there, so I said I would meet them down there. About an hour later I showed up as they were leaving, but I still got the number of the really cute one. So the moral of this Halloween story is..even in a dress I still got game???? I'm as shocked as anyone else. Although I did borrow the dress from Alyssa, who told me it was her lucky dress. In October I also went to College Station, but the only important thing to know about that is 1. Cigarettes can cause 18 cars to blow up 2. Robert Earl Keen is awesome 3. Lyle Lovett is really, really impressive. 19 guys on stage, suited up, and tighter than Mother Teresa (what too soon?). One last thing, Matt (see above) and I saw Alice Cooper. I unfortunately did not hear his pronunciation of Milwaukee.

November- Car started fucking up for the last time. Long story short mom an I co-signed on a loan to buy a new car from my brother. Hopefully I can pick it up next week. Called the girl I met on Halloween. Drove to Wichita Falls for that once a month route, 5 hours of driving for 45 minutes of work. Oi. A week later the bosses boss came up and wouldn't give a reason why. Come to find out that he came to fire my boss. The parade and the good times that have happened afterward were well worth the 6 months of hell with him. The guy's a bully and that's how he leads and tries to make friends. I think he's kinda gone off the deep end since.
Ben came back the day befroe thanksgiving. Always good to have my buddy back. I went though (still am) a big punk phase. Went crazy on Sex Pistols, The Clash, Flogging Molly and Against Me. Karaoke has become a regular thing again. Hung out with the girl from Halloween a few times. Took Alyssa and Timothy to Thanksgiving at Dad's. I met my Dad's sister. She flew in from California and spent the holiday with us. It was really nice to meet her. I took her out to Vickery where she met Timothy and Kimmie. I think that this Thanksgiving (Slapsgiving?) may have been the best one I've ever had. Not only was I surrounded by close friends and family I had never met before, but no one fought at the dinner table. This has never happened before. That night a few of us we out to Elbow Room to celebrate with out chosen family, as we do. When Theo showed up he bought everyone a round of Tuaca. There must have been more in that shot than just booze because we all went crazy. We were officially that group. Dancing, singing, humping, kissing, it was truly a great time. What wasn't a good time was when I realized at 3 AM that I had to be at work the next day. I started watching The West Wing again, and this time I'm dragging Timothy down with me.

December- Damn this week was long, but I came through it pretty unscathed. First, I got moved off the trucks and permanently onto sales. Tara started working us. Then Wednesday came along. Someone broke into my car the night before. They took my stereo and CD's- I expect that- but they took my sales book. It is of no real monetary value, but of tremendous value to me. So it basically means I have to start everything over. A lot of work and numbers down the drain. I think it was a couple of kids. They broke the small window in between the drivers and back. That's not a lot of room to climb into a car. They also didn't take my gate opener, toll tag, and envelopes with checks. Any adult would have. Last night I found out that Camille (sister) was somehow placed on my car insurance. Between having her on my plan along with the move and the new car my premium went up about 1900 dollars for six months. This figure will come down, but it stressed me out. Today I took care of business and shelled out my entire paycheck (which came in at midnight). Stressed, but I'll be alright. Hey at the very least I have a very beautiful girl that thinks about me. There's a lot of comfort in that.

If you havent seen this show, please do

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 12:45:43 GMT

I say it now and will the rest of the year. Pushing Daisies is the best new show on tv. It reminds me of Amelie. Bright colors, a narrative, and a very cute plot line all make for a fantastic show. Well written and acted-also produced and directed by Barry Sonenfeld (Addams Family and virtually every Will Smith blockbuster)- this show is impossible not to love. It's doing well in the ratings but I want to share this with all my friends because let's face it, I cant go through another Studio 60 ordeal.

O Lord I'm Stuck in Lodi again

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 23:18:10 GMT

Well children I have moved. It wasn't a particularly bad move, but an expensive one. Paying the movers (food & booze), new kitchen ware (dishes, flatware, cups, cookware, towels), and stocking the kitchen. It also took an extra day to find a truck to move my mattress, my couch and my bookcase, but the job let me use one of their trucks and all was good.

I want to thank everyone that helped me move, or those that cooked because they couldn't help it.

We're in and getting settled. No tv and no internets yet, just ponying off of someone else's signal for now. On saturday we're going to have some people over to check everything out and see how bad it may be for the Halloween party (parking, noise).

This place is waay too cool for me. There's so much space I dont know how we're going to fill it all. But it's already starting to feel like home.

For those who are curious, it's one Cedar Springs a block past the tollway. It's on the borderline of the gayberhood and the ghetto. Apparently gay pride is this weekend. When I asked if it was already that time of the year I got some death stares from the gays.

Anyway, I've got a whole lot of nothing to do tonight and I couldn't be happier. It's time, it's really my time now. Gimme a holla if you wanna come by and check out the new pad. We're still working on it but it will be complete pretty soon.

Dusti shared this with me today

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 19:05:09 GMT

Bigger than T-Ho, but not as big as Jeff

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 19:00:35 GMT

One of my favorite comedians of late

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 23:39:33 GMT

This guys name is Christian Finnegan. He does crappy tv shows but his stand up is hilarious, as evidenced by this video. The last minute is truly the best

Another one, dear lord is it funny

Jerry posted this picture

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 04:24:26 GMT

I'm reposting so that my friends who dont know Jerry can enjoy the same geek laugh as I have

Geek Happy

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 20:59:17 GMT

Cheaters Never Prosper My Ass!

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 05:44:10 GMT

Soooo much anger and rage runs through me right now. I feel like a good part of my childhood is dead. Everything that was good in my life was held within that game. To see its greatest record fall to the likes of man who feels he is owed legendary status is a travesty. The great ball players before him respected this game to never stoop low enough to take steroids. I get so frustrated with him that I start to lose my words. I cant even communicate how deeply offended I am by him holding such a sacred record.

I'll say it. He's a liar and a cheater. The man had never hit over 50 home runs before the 2001 season, when he hit 73 at age 36.

This is Bonds at 29. By baseball standards he looks average.

This is him in 2001 when he hit 73.

Hell look at the side-by-side

Fact- Barry Bonds wins the NL MVP but is eclipsed but McGwire and Sosa. The next season he appearing in training camp looking to gain approximately 30, all muscle. It was in that off season that Barry hired his friend Greg Anderson, who was indicted in the Balco scandal.

In these eyes, he will never get any respect or admiration that a man should gain by breaking the home run record. His name will always conjure up everything that is wrong in sports.

I know this doesn't really fit in, but it does. This is all Bud Selig's fault, but I will save that for another rant.

A High Fidelity Moment

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 23:36:22 GMT

At my last delivery, the guy working behind the counter and I had a high fidelity moment. Subject of said moment, somehow you're able to live forever but in doing so you're only allowed 5 albums and 5 movies. What do you choose?

I pose this to anyone who reads this, comment back and share.

Mine (in no particular order):
Albums:
1. Dark Side of The Moon- Pink Floyd
2. Joshua Tree- U2
3. Weezer (blue)- Weezer
4. OK Computer- Radiohead
5. Doggystyle- Snoop Dogg

Movies:
1. Casablanca
2. Human Traffic
3. Usual Suspects
4. Monty Python's Holy Grail
5. High Fidelity

Many will argue these, I accept them

I am the finished

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 18:42:21 GMT

Finished the book at 3 this morning. I'm happy. First, it wrapped pretty well. Second, Action and death...damn there was a lot of it. I really want to see how that do that movie with so much essential stoery in it. All meat, no fat. Third, I was right, I was right, I was right. Sara I love you, but you and your friends can suck it cause I was right.

I took break yesterday to cook for everyone over at Teri's apartment. That girl is living well. I cooked a chicken and rice casserole. It cam out a lot better than I hoped. Everyone was well fed and there was soccer on the tv.

Yes I made everyone watch the Beckham fiasco. I say fiasco because it was the craziest debacle I've ever seen on a pitch. 19 cameras around and only two are pointed to the GAME THAT'S GOING ON. Some how a soccer game became a red carpet event. In the end at least the sport is getting some attention. It may be fake and superficial but but it's attention. Maybe that gets some people into the sport and it will continue to grow. But dear god can ESPN please put 8 cameras on the game. You know the reason people were there.

The game it self went better than I had expected. The galaxy seemed to show more life in them in the first half, than in the entire season. They only lost 1-0 but I also think Chelsea took it light on them

No more mussel butter

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:47:07 GMT

One of my favorite food items is the mussels at Vickery Park. These are some of the best damn mussels you can eat and they're only 12 bucks. Apparently there's something in them that my body cant process. Thus forcing me to purge from all orifices of my body. It is a sad day for me, no more mussels, no more mussel butter.

Dont cry for me I'm already dead

I'm long overdue for an update

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 07:17:41 GMT

I haven't updated since before the birthday. So here we go.

Birthday- The birthday was awesome. Thrown together at the last minute and a whole lot of love. Everyone I didn't expect to come out, came out. Big props to Jenn Tankersly for the idea and fronting a brother in need. Thanks to everyone who came out and bought me drinks.

Book of Liz- Good show, I had a lot more fun than I expected. Dave & Amy Sedaris have very specific humor that doesn't really appeal to me. But I have to give props to Matt for expanding it humor spectrum a bit. Wick stole the show.

Job- I still love it. Things are starting to settle a bit. I'm getting the hang of everything and starting to perform pretty well. My boss can still be a McDouche. He likes to wedge himself between my Christmas hams and set up camp, but he knows his shit and isn't entirely bad. A McDouche nonetheless. Andy will hopefully be working with me soon, slinging cases and kegs. And if anyone out there needs a job drop me a line, we need drivers bad. And once a month we go to Nac, but as I sell on Wednesdays I cant make the run. Which sucks because they were gonna have me go by myself. What are you going to do.

School- I'm back in it. I'm taking a psych class and a math class after the 4th. I was taking an online english class as well, but I had to drop it. If I wanted to get the grade I wanted I had to drop it, I just didn't have the time to devote that the class needed. Also the first paper was a definition essay on the term 'womanist' using an essay about black women and their power role in history. I really dont have time for that shit. My other class is going well, I have an A. I intend to keep it.

I saw a comedian last night. I was going to go in a group but everyone bailed at the last minute. Fuck it I was revved up to go. So I decided to take myself out on a date. I went to see Craig Shoemaker I took me a few hours to be able to laugh again. If anyone ever gets a chance to see this guy take advantage of it.

I have some really, really, really big news but I decided to put it in a separate post because it deserves one.

This may not be the biggest surprise to everyone, but then again it may

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 06:48:09 GMT

So some people know about this already and I'm just going to lay everything out there.

I'm an alcoholic, not a major one but definitely an alcoholic. When I start drinking it's very hard for me to stop. I mean I dont fall down every time I have a beer, but on most nights when I have more than two I will have about 8 or 9. That's not healthy. I have recently made the decision to stop drinking and start going to meetings. For a few weeks I tried a plan where if I did go out I would only have 3 drinks. I couldn't even make it the first week. So in order to start to turning my life around I have to put down the bottle. I'm going to meetings because if it's not this it'll be something else. As long as I can remember there's always been some addiction in my life. When I was young it was tv, then religion (believe me it was very unhealthy), followed by girls, to weed, and finally the bottle. This shit has to end and the only way I can do so is get into AA and work the steps.

Today I'm 14 days sober and I feel great. I've gone through the withdrawals and now I'm starting feel the difference. Sober's doing me very well.